The Princess, Secret Wars

The Princess

I’d heard some good stuff about this action movie starring Joey King.  It’s basically The Raid in reverse; King plays a kidnapped princess who has to fight her way from the top of the tower in which she’s imprisoned to the bottom.  

Unfortunately, this isn’t as good as it could have been.  A game King can’t quite sell the numerous action scenes; she looks just a little too awkward and clunky, though I appreciated the effort.  I even found myself bored here and there.  My time could have been better spent on other things to watch.

Regret watching: No

Would watch again: No

Would buy on DVD: No

Rating: Fine

Secret Wars 1-9

The Jonathan Hickman/Esad Ribic one, not the Jim Shooter/Mike Zeck one.  I borrowed it from the library after reading the Ultimate Spider-Man issues, hoping that it’d shed some light on how the Ultimate universe merged with the 616 one.

Not really.  Most of it is Doom posturing and Reed Richards/Black Panther figuring out how to save the day.  It involves a bunch of weirdness with Molecule Man that I didn’t find all that interesting.  Hickman isn’t the best at execution on his best days, and when he doesn’t have a great concept to work off of, it’s even worse.  So glad I didn’t buy this.

Secret Wars, Sentinel

Secret War 5-12

I glossed over a lot more of the dialog, and my experience was all the richer for it.  The plotting of the story holds up after all this time, and it’s the excessive wording that keeps me from full enjoyment.  

I really like the final third of the series, with Doom taking on the power of the Beyonder.  Similar to Thanos, his subconscious and inability to fully control his new-found power lead to his downfall.  It’s well told, and made for a much better wrap up to the story than the standard tons of heroes vs tons of villains fight that I would have expected - Shooter gave us our fill of that with the first ⅔ of the series, and gave us something different for the ending.  

More awesome art by Zeck, including some legitimately iconic images:

This one has stood the test of time.

Dude's taken some punishment.

More respect.  He monologues in the face of imminent death, as only Doom can.

I can’t give this any rating other than Major Feels.  It’s far too ingrained into my comic DNA to honestly grade it.  (It would probably come in at Fine.)

Regret buying? No

Would buy again? Yes

Would read again? Yes

Rating: Major feels

Sentinel 1-12

Sentinel was part of the Tsunami line at Marvel, along with Runaways and Inhumans.  The art by Udon Studios is suitably manga-esque. My recollection was a positive one, and it was still pleasant on the second go-around.  Sean McKeever’s craft is solid, as is the art. But there is not a single unpredictable beat in the twelve issue run. Absolutely nothing new.  Let’s examine all the cliches!

1. Kid with working class father.  Mom abandoned the family.
2. Kid has a few friends at school, but they’re the ones that get picked on by the jocks.
3. Kid has no one to eat with at lunch, so he sits by himself in an empty classroom.
4. Manic pixie girl shows up and for some reason chooses to hang out with kid.
5. Kid gets picked on by bullies, gets a lucky hit in.  Bullies vow revenge.
6. Kid has a bonding moment with girl.  
7. Kid finds giant robot in his barn.  Starts fixing it.
8. Kid programs robot to talk ‘hip.’  
9. Robot blows a hole through the side of the barn.
10. Robot doesn’t know where it came from or what its purpose is.  
11. Kid starts acting like a teenager, ignoring his friends, yelling at his little brother, talking back to his dad.
12. Girl shares a little more about herself to kid because she’s comfortable around him.
13. After sharing another moment, kid asks girl out, gets shot down because she has a boyfriend in college.  
14. Boy runs off, ignores girl for a while.
15. Jocks sitting around talking like jocks.  Swear revenge on kid. Beat up his best friend.
16. Kid finishes repairing robot, thinks he’s got this awesome new toy to play with.
17. Bullies’ girlfriends spread rumors that kid said suggestive things about girl.
18. Girl believes obvious lies.  Gets pissed at kid.
19. Bullies pile injury on insult by beating up kid.
20. Kid unleashes robot on school, swoops in to save the day in a not so elaborate plan.
21. Everything treats kid as a hero.  Girl forgives guy, bullies stop bullying.
22. Kid feels guilt about the lie.  
23. Formerly mean girl starts hitting on kid.  Girl gets jealous.  
24. Government agent shows up to investigate.
25. Kid saves passengers in an airplane crash.  
26. Government agents attack mid-rescue, completely misreading the situation.  
27. Robot reverts to original programming, fights back.
28. Kid reveals everything to his dad, only for the whole speech turn out to be a practice monologue in front of a mirror.  
29. Agent gets suspicious of kid.  Interrogates kid without the dad present in a manner that’s not creepy at all.  
30. Robot completes self-repairs.  Returns to extermination mode.  
31. Okay, this is the one part that didn’t adhere to expectations.  It’s not the little brother that turns out to be the mutant the Sentinel is tracking.  It’s the agent. Agent dies, but not before knocking the Sentinel out. 
32. Kid revives robot, runs away from home to search for his long-lost mother.  

Averages more than two cliches per issue.  

Online research reveals that Juston’s adventures don’t get much more interesting.  He fails to find his mother and joins Avengers Academy. My next exposure to him is in Avengers Arena, where Apex snaps his neck.  A pitiable end for a nice enough kid, but I didn’t feel much when I read Avengers Arena, and my sorrow isn’t retroactively enhanced by reading his origin here.   

Rereading it didn’t bore me, but I have zero desire to repeat this experience ever again.  Cutting.

Regret buying? No

Would buy again? No

Would read again? No

Rating: Fine (Cutting)

Secret Wars

Secret Wars 1-4

35 years before this...

...was this.  It's the original All-Star team.

I think this is the first trade I ever bought.  My oldest cousin, the first person I knew who collected comics, told me how the cover of issue 4 was what enticed him to buy his first comic book.  I saved it for the flight from California to Taiwan, and it was glorious. Middle school me loved it - Every major hero fighting every major villain.  An epic of colossal proportion.

I'd buy it if I saw it too.

As with most 80s Marvel comics, it doesn’t hold up well for current me.  It’s really the writing that falls flat - Everyone spends too much time expositioning, and it’s a total chore to read through.  

Standard 80s roll calls.  And the word balloons don't stop coming.

But there’s plenty of well-choreographed action and the art holds up nicely.  Mike Zeck’s execution of the Marvel style is top notch.

Nice composition.

More on this tomorrow.