Aquaman

Aquaman

What is this movie???  I watched it hours ago, and my brain still doesn’t know what to do with it.  On the one hand, it may be the stupidest movie that I’ve ever seen. The dialogue is truly cringe-worthily terrible.  The story elements are trite and unoriginal. There are plot holes and leaps of logic in practically every scene, which constantly yanked me out of the moment.  

On the other, there’s an overwhelming sense of fun on display throughout the entire movie.  There are some beautifully filmed scenes and genuine emotion. I can’t think of the last time I had such a good time watching a movie with so many caveats.  Here are few of my thoughts:

Jason Momoa is not who I would ever have pictured to play Arthur Curry, but I’m a huge fan of his portrayal.  He tones down the bro-ness from Justice League and makes him a little more relatable with his emotional vulnerabilities, while maintaining the oversized confidence that makes this whole enterprise so enjoyable.  He’s Volstagg from Marvel’s Thor, thoroughly enjoying his adventures and the knowledge that he’s going to be successful.

Amber Heard is this mix of Scarlett Johansson and Kiera Knightly, a visually generic actress I have always had trouble recognizing.  But she does a fine job as Mera, displaying strength and an awesome power set. She’s as integral to this movie as Wasp is to the second Ant-Man.  

I don’t care how much of it is CG, I loved watching Nicole Kidman kick ass at the beginning of the movie.  I hope to see Michelle Pfeiffer do the same if there’s another Ant-Man.  (Why all the Ant-Man references in this?)

I literally face-palmed so many times in reaction to the script.  So. Freaking. Bad - Mera’s speech at the end proclaiming Arthur king.  There was an actual dun-dun-DUN in the score when Orm said something particularly villainous and cheesy.  None of it was funny, it was just all painful.

So much of this world doesn’t make sense.  How can whales and turtles be beasts of burden in Atlantis if they need to surface for air all the times?  Why does Aquaman need to desperately cling to a rooftop, if he can easily survive a fall from an airplane? How did they get to Sicily from the wastes of the Sahara?  Atlantis can’t be all that old if King Atlan used a statue of Romulus as part of his treasure hunt, clearly not old enough to have evolved from humans to crustacean or merfolk.  If Atlan’s trident was so mythical and impossible to find, how did so many people make it to the Julie Andrews kaiju for her to kill?

There’s an octopus playing the drums.  Like Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid.  No.  Just no.  

The Baz Luhrmann kiss at the end, complete with 360-degree camera spin and fireworks all around.  I...don’t know. Maybe?

I love the chase scene through Sicily, which blew me away with the smooth, grand tracking shots transitioning between Mera and Aquaman.  Also love how all the projectiles in the final battle traced to a vanishing point. It created a visual effect that I hadn’t seen before, and really liked.

Black Mantis: Lame.

That final superhero pose: Lame, but Momoa almost pulls it off.  

The reunion between Arthur’s parents: Very very sweet.  I squeed.

The Indiana Jones-style quest for the trident: A throwback to an earlier time, complete with random leaps of logic.  “Yes, a drop of sweat will totally activate this ancient mechanism and lead us to the next step in this elaborate search.”  This whole movie feels like James Wan hadn’t gotten the memo about how comic book movies have evolved in the last fifteen years.  He’s made a movie with unapologetically 1980’s sensibilities, for better and worse.

Half of this movie gets a legit Stupid rating.  The other half, the part that I thrilled to, is Pretty good.  Splitting the difference for the final score doesn’t feel right.  In fact, all my ratings for this movie are immensely conflicted. But it’s got me thinking, which is more than most movies.  It’s more entertaining than Wonder Woman, which I would never have expected going into this.  

Regret watching: No

Would buy on DVD: Yes (?)

Would watch again: Yes

Rating: Pretty good/Stupid.